this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
