um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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