he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
