She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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