so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
