I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
