there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
