i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
