4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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