its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
