people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
