who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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