Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
