i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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