Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
