My nipple is on Facebook.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
