I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
