Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
