Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
