Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
