I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
