walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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