Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
