My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
