What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
