I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
