do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
NoShamevember. You game?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
