I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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