and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
