Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't think brook has ever known best
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize