i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
