I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
