i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize