He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
