Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
