It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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