the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize