hell yes lets make some ravioli
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
