Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize