He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
