I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
