I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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