how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize