Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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