You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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