We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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