half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
