Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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