I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't turn off my feet"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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