Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
