I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
