Buhtt sex?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
