Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
