we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
