Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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