i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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