I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
