We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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