i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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