we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He better not be in your backpack
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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