So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The beer is more important than you right now.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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