can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
