Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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