her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
