I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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