i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
