Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
