You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
