Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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