i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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