it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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