we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
