my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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