my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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