so that wasnt chicken after all
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
