Sry I called you an 8
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
