I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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