the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
