1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
another moral hangover. fuck.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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