Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
