There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
